To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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