You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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