She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
