Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize