You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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