i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't notice because vodka
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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