Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize