Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize