So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
