hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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