WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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