from now on my penis is your penis
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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