she told me i tasted like america
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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