3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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