Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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