I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My cat gives me a boner
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
