I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did i walk over a car last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My dick has a subreddit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
