Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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