What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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