why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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