I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
