That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm like, not good at living.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
