Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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