ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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