i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
