in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
