So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
