You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
