Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize