Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
