For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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