Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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