Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
