He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
