I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
