I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
