it hurts more in the daytime
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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