just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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