He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
time to smoke my breakfast
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
