He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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