Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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