The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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