Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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