Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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