Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
