Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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