The maid of honor just puked.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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