Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
