I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
