Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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