I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
