everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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