i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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