you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize