He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
