There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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