I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
