I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize