I think i peed on brittanys purse
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
