Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
