I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
