Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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