I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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