I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
