wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
