Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
