She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
