dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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