This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She's JV to your varsity
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
