Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There are leaves in my underwear?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
